Le Grand Mystere Continues

Our other sucker fish disappeared the other day, which is sad because I was starting to get attached. I'd named him Jaws.

I know; I'm a little teary too.

I'm beginning to think that some of the water from the Bermuda Triangle was rerouted to our kitchen sink in Utah. But if that's the case, why isn't Amelia Earhart swimming around in our fish tank?

The more likely theory is that the apartment managers are sneaking in when we're gone and stealing our fish for their tank. Jason and I may have to do a covert rescue mission. First we'll go into the office with a "question." Jason will distract the managers while I find Jaws and his brother in the 20 gallon tank where they'll send up Morse code (SOS, of course) in bubbles. Then we'll take shifts watching the outer door when the managers punch in the key code. Probably I will take most of these shifts because I am unemployed. (Who knew unemployment could come in handy?) After we've successfully learned the door code, we'll return to the office with another false question so I can signal to the fish (Morse code again, this time in taps on the tank) when to be ready for rescue. Finally, dressed in all black and playing the Mission: Impossible theme in our iPods, we'll sneak into the office in the dead of night with a net and some plastic bags to rescue our kidnapped pets. It will be brilliant! We'll be heroes in the world of fish. Aquatic life in the oceans will build monuments to us out of coral and seaweed.

You may be wondering why our fish would be so much happier in our tank than in our apartment managers' tank. The answer is obvious: privacy. It's the difference between sharing a three bedroom apartment with eighteen people and sharing a one bedroom apartment with only one other person. And of course, if the apartment managers are wandering around stealing peoples' pets, where's the guarantee that they'll treat the pets well? They're already on morally shaky ground.

And if you're wondering how the word will get from our tank in Provo, UT, to the fishies in the deep blue sea, that's a valid question. But the answer, again, is obvious: Amelia Earhart will use the portal between our fishtank and the Atlantic ocean to share our brave adventures with all fishkind.